Appalachian Ohio, Athens GA, Atlanta, Berkeley, Baltimore, Boston, Chicago, Cleveland, Columbia MO, Columbus, Des Moines, Durham & Chapel Hill, East Lansing, Fredericksburgh VA, Houston, Los Angeles, Muncie IN, New York City, NYU, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Plattsburgh, Richmond VA, San Francisco, Tucson, Twin Cities
Written by: Chriselle Correia
Sometimes all it takes is a motivational speech or a strong movie to shake you up. Truth be told, you suddenly feel awakened and self-righteous. But it’s just a matter of a few days until this feeling fades off, yet again.
Today, it was one of those conventional Bollywood movies that really struck a chord. While the performances and script were brilliant, the aftermath left me shaken. If anything, the movie left me more worried.
Bombay – the city of dreams; the city of life – shelters so many people everyday. And while I’d like to think that I live in one of the world’s loveliest cities, I can’t help but imagine the terror that takes over the city every other second. Walking down a street, you don’t know who’s watching you and how. You don’t know how often you’re followed. And while, it’s easy getting to work and bitching about the lecherous men we dodged, how safe is it to say that that was the end of them? There are times you pay the price for another’s fight. You may be at the wrong place at the wrong time.
It isn’t easy scanning each man like he may attack you. I hate walking down the street with my eyes over my shoulder every two minutes. It is so disgraceful to have men pass lewd comments as if it’s usual and normal. It isn’t easy being a woman anymore.
It is scary to think that you could almost be a victim. A victim of rape, a victim of scandals, a victim of trade; most importantly, a victim of insensitivity. It is scary to imagine how easy it is to add a price to one’s life. The life we live with so much pride and delight. Even the most narcissistic being will be shuddered and stripped off their confidence. All it takes is a a fraction of a second.
In this world filled with hate and aguish, we must still dare to hope (or so I would like to believe). This may be delusional, this may be just another bunch of words. But with the hope of this reaching someone somewhere, here’s my plea.
Dear Mr/Ms Gangster,
Deep within you’re human. You’re crooked and cold but you’re still human. Look beyond your crafty mind and negative hole. Watch the sun shine golden each day, watch the moon light up the sea. Hear the waves and the feel the breeze. Look at the horizon expand and seize the moment. Lighten your minds and hearts and change. Change for a better tomorrow. Change for a safer place. Change with the fear of God; with the fear of your own demons.
Life is too short and you want to live it large. So go out and live. Money is just paper dust. It’s here today, it’s gone tomorrow. Power is a game and there are different ways to play it. Playing with someone’s life isn’t your best bet.
Dear Rich Man,
You’re educated, you’re rich, your powerful. Does that give you the right to do what you’re doing? Does that give you the right to please yourself at the cost someone else’s pain? Does that give you the right to judge and define a girl’s character and assassinate it? What gives you the right to crush her modesty and trust with your fake friendship?
Go gamble, go drink, go smoke – but why would you pride yourself in ripping a child off of her virginity and shuddering her conscience? Spend your money wisely. Educate the child or woman you choose to molest. Offer her a dignified life instead of taking it away. Do more good than evil. Aren’t you corrupt enough anyway?
Get some help, we’re here for you. Rescue yourself from your own bondage. Find satisfaction in love and not in pain. Rise above your demons, rise above this living hell. You have no right to decide what she deserves, you never did. Stop and stare at yourself and at those around you. You don’t want to be that person, you want to be better – you can be better.
You mask your bruised ego with fake pride. How do you sleep at night? How are you at peace with yourself?
Do you like watching us live in fear? Do you like wiping innocence off the face of the earth? Do you like killing our souls? Do you enjoy scarring lives? Do you like breaking homes? Do you enjoy watching us begging to let go? Do you enjoy watching us squirm? Do you like turning this world into a dark and dangerous place? Yes, you do. And so again, how are you at peace with yourself?
I dare you to swap your mind with that of the victim’s. Feel the rush of emotion and panic. You think you own her the moment you take over her body but in reality, you’ve killed her. I dare you to feel powerless and captured. I dare you to feel fear and rage in the same instant. I dare you to feel the chills in your spine. I dare you to feel helpless as your world is spinning around you. I dare you to watch your world come crashing down. I dare you to feel hurt and alone. I dare you to be her.
You kill her very being. While she’ll be just another trophy in your eyes and a boost to your boastful arrogance, she’s really just a body with an empty mind. So fight your dirty desires and be a better human being. Fame, money and power doesn’t give you the right to do as you please. It offers you the opportunity to make this world a better place. Maybe even make yourself a better person. After all, charity does begin at home.
Free us from thoughts of worry. Imagine a world where women needn’t worry about their safety or that of their loved ones. Go ahead and build a world towards freedom from one’s own demons. Indulge if you may, but not at the cost of one’s life. Rise above violence and assault against women. Don’t you see? She’s a mother, a daughter, a friend, a colleagues – she’s a human being, just like you.
In this constant war, there’s no definite victory. Why are we so afraid of nuclear weapons and the economic downfall, when the real war is already in motion? We’re out for blood every day – cold and brutal. What is the worth of the most powerful weapon, when man is so willing to end his kind with his own selfish behaviour? The fact that a lot of us are not willing to stop and think rationally, is an end in itself. Why kill flesh and blood when emotion, souls and humanity cease to exist anyway?
Share this, with the hope of it reaching someone somewhere. Share this for change in the smallest way possible. Share this if you feel how I feel. Share this, as a plea.
I want to feel safe. Maybe not with a stranger, but with my own. I want to wake up as the infant I once was, with no memory of such harsh realities. If only, there were a wish upon every star. If only…
Expose your dreams and ambition, not her body
Add to her laughter, not her pain
Bring her flowers, not hand-cuffed chains
Offer her support, avoid any judgement
Respect her choices, value her being
Admire her strength, don’t suppress her will to grow
Challenge her opinions, don’t cuff her by the door
Shower her with affection, don’t strip off her emotion
She’s not a commodity to use for your satisfaction
Treat her like a lady
That’s the best you can do.
When i was 17 i took driving lessons and my instructor tried to grope me every single day. He used to take me to dark lanes to teach driving.
Initially i thought ‘its just in my head,’ but as the days passed by he started to be very obvious making me uncomfortable. One day when he tried to slip his fingers in my top, i held his hand and yelled at him and asked him not to do so.It took me a whole lot of courage to say anything to him.
This is when he got a bit aggressive and came on to me, uplifted my top and assaulted me.The only reason he stopped was because i screeched and made noise.
Next day i discussed this matter with my best friend and we decided to report against him in the driving school. The authorities were shocked and handed him over to the cops.
I really wish i would have reported him initially but it takes a lot of courage to do something like that specially when you know that people are gonna judge you too. i’m happy that my best friend supported me in this decision and stood by my side.
When your vehicle breaks down and you have to walk down through the creepiest lanes, you know how it feels like. It was around 2:30am when I was walking alone toward home. I observed a huge bike following me since long. It was either Bullet or Enfield— I don’t remember now. Near the dead-end, I was stopped by a huge man on the bike whose height could be 6’4+ and I was around 5’8. He was heavily built. I was thin and naturally, no match at all.
He was an army guy in late 30s. He flashed his bike’s light directly on my face. I knew what it was all about. I said: ‘yes’? He then said, without getting down from his bike: ‘Remember me?’ I said: ‘No’. He continued: ‘You chat on internet, don’t you?’ I said: ‘Yes, I do’. The man said: ‘exactly. I remember chatting with you on yahoo and have seen your face’. I replied: ‘I never do cam-chatting with anyone and I don’t chat at all with men or guys. I chat with the ones I know personally. So?’ and he said: ‘So, anything you say. You wanna do it here? Or you wanna come to my place like a good boy?’ I swear, my hands were trembling but I showed no sign of fear nor I pretended that I was brave. I tried to be as cool and normal as possible. I took out my mobile phone from my pocket and pretended to talk on the phone with my dad and told him where I was, and also told him that I am with a man from Army and asked my dad to note down his bike number as I lied to dad that he is helping me get home. To be very honest, there was no network on my mobile phone. Then I said: ‘My dad is around, if you could leave your number then maybe we could meet tomorrow? Or you can have my number?’ Without a word, he turned his bike and sped off. I ran like I never ran in my life toward home through the streets as dogs barked and chased me. Dogs felt like angels at that hour. I kept repeating as I ran: ‘I am proudda myself. I am proudda myself’. In fear. Extreme fear to be very honest. The trauma was short-lived. It ended as soon as I reached home but hatred and fear developed more.
3rd class people ( read some bullies ) in 2nd AC compartment of Rajdhani Express. I was travelling in Rajdhani express from Mum to Del. Everything was ok until a group of men who had separate seats decided to change their’s with other so that they could travel together. A fat guy in spec was doing all the negotiations . He seemed fine at first .He was later joined by 3 more & that’s when the hell broke loose.
First of all they started with usual stare & giggle thing. I was accompanied by my hubby & kids. I felt a little uncomfortable but chose to ignore. Around dinner time, they occupied the upper berths & started playing music loud. Seems alright isn’t it . Well let me quote some of them here.
Fat guy , ” I am missing my wife yaar. Play that song. I always play it when I make love to her. Big guy with gold chains & watch , “Bhabhi ki yaad aa rahi hai ya Mumbai ki aayashi ki.’ All broke into scary laughter. Another one, ” Yaar is baar toh maza aaya. Sab kuch kiya matlab sab kuch.”
This conversation is going on oblivious of the fact that a lady , I was in the lower berth, & small kids are sitting there. ) They brought some empty thermos from the pantry & started drinking. Throwing ground nut shells down carelessly as if no one is sitting down. I was furious but what could I hv done. My daughter was asking some questions to me & they were making fun of that ( I was disgusted )I asked my hubby to contact the TC & change the seats ( although those were our allotted seats ) . He went to look for TC. Mean while , The big Fat guy signaled the rest that my hubby has gone & started blabbering , “ Yaar , ash kar train apni hai. Jo chahe kar sakte hai . Mast reh. Tu bol toh train wapas Mumbai le chalu.” All the while staring at me . At this point I was little frighted. I tucked my kids close to me & waited for my husband. When He came back , the same big guy told him in threatening tone, ” Kuch problem thi toh humaey bolo TC ke paas kyu gaye .” My hubby said , ” Family hai saath mai.“. TC came & told them to behave. Did they ? . Not at all. Instead they started making fun of our helplessness. We kept quite.
It was close to 10.15. I put my kids to sleep & lied down. Big guy mockingly asked his friend who was on the upper berth right across me . “ Bhai Sahi hai na jagah, View mast hai ki nahi , pointing in my direction.” I felt disgusted to say the least . Forget about the choicest of cuss words they were using.
Through their conversation I came to know they were all married with kids , businessmen from some pahadganj area in delhi. We were going for a vacation & this is how our journey started . I so wanted to publish a blog post about this incident but chose not to . I don’t want any bitter memory on my blog.These are shameless bullies who think they own the train when they buy some tickets . Had we objected on anything, the situation could easily have gone ugly. I was scared as a woman, as a wife & as a mother. Don’t we all know if anything happens no one comes to your rescue. We kept quite because we were , yes I admit, AFRAID !
Women are not safe in broad daylight , office , home , anywhere for that matter . Safety in trains ? Its still a long way to go.These filthy lots are fearless. They think “ jayada se jayada kya hoga.Arrest . Paisa dekar choot jayege.”. We are living in a dangerous world . Sorry to say but even Ac coaches are nt safe. This country is not safe. We live in constant fear.
There is no immediate solution to this problem. We can continue the blame game. Change the mind set . Don’t shout only when your house is on fire. Think about others . Be responsive & caring. We are not animals who should just be concerned about two square meals & a place to curl ourselves up at night. We are bloody humans with brains & senses. Why we don’t use them is a thought to ponder
I request you to share this post as many times as you can on different networking sites . We need people to listen, care & take notice of what is happening around them.Thanks for your understanding .
Things wont change until & unless we change our mental setup on individual basis. There is a FB page called ” NO Harassment Zone” (https://www.facebook.com/noharassmentzone) I won’t ask you to like or join it .But DO have a look . My purpose of starting that page is to share such experiences & possibles ways to tackle the situations. I was shocked & baffled up when this incident happened with me. I am sure by sharing our experiences with people , we might spread some awareness or at least prepare women & girls to face such situation in a different way. Pls share your experiences on that page & suggest how do you think it can be checked & curbed. Thank you again for showing your support.
Cat-calling is one of the most common forms of street harassment that goes unreported and accepted due to the notion that it is not an issue and therefore, trivialized as a non problem.
Aradhana Chand realized that the problem of verbal abuse (catcalling) in street sexual harassment is most rampant and least addressed and reported. Women face it so often that they become oblivious to it happening and learn to ignore it instead of standing against it. This also gives men the notion that they can most easily get away with it since no action is taken and there is paucity of evidence.
She went around town stopping various women on the street and asked them to participate in the campaign against eve-teasing (since that is the term they are most well versed with, even though it belittles the gravity of the act of sexual harassment) and whether they could remember an instance that happened with them and the comment or song that they had come across.
Most women agreed to having been harassed at some point in life but couldn’t remember what they had heard. Some said they deliberately couldn’t remember what had happened since such things are best forgotten. One woman said, “Such things don’t happen in this part of town”, which was very surprising since Aradhana had herself experienced it.
A college student said that as a child she had learnt through films to say “Ghar mein maa behen nahi hain kya?” (Do you not have a mother or sister at home?) and when she took the courage to turn around and say this to the man who sang a song to her, he responded with a smirk saying, “Ghar mein maa behen hain par tu nahi hai.” (I have a mother and sister at home, but not you). This kind of shamelessness is appalling.
The women who remembered what they heard were asked to write it down on a white board and asked to pose for a photograph trying to remember the way they felt when they were harassed. One woman asked me to not post her picture on the internet since she didn’t want her husband to see it. It was shocking to see that women had to be embarrassed to talk about such an issue with their close ones too.
This started off as a project about an issue that Aradhana thought should be thrown light on, but ended up becoming much more than that. A lot of women took time off and told her the whole story and how they had felt and reacted. She felt a connect with them through this project and realized it could go on to become a larger platform to give voice to women facing harassment on streets.
Written by G Anurag Rao
With steady rise in sexual harassment cases over the nation, and with the number of rapes only increasing, it is prudent that the women of today are aware of certain basic self-defence tactics and also to make sure that basic defence equipment such as pepper-sprays are easily available. Of late, more and more women are approaching and undertaking various self defence classes and workshops. Certain women, due to their training in martial arts and self defence remain untouched by prying men.
However, most women today are not taking up these courses just for self defence but as a hobby that they like and enjoy.
Since pepper-sprays are not easily available in India, 2 girls decided to formulate Do-It-yourself (DIY) pepper-spray post molestation in their own social circle.
D.I.Y PEPPER SPRAY:
How to prepare your own do it yourself pepper-spray:
‘Meera and Purvi are the two bloggers who formulated the D.I.Y formula on (twomaterialgirls.tumblr.com/) (twomaterialgirls.tumblr.com/post/27317744741/how-toreduce-a-molester-to-tears)’
“I have been associated with Judo for over the past 12 years. My training has helped me achieve a sense of security, strength and confidence irrespective of where I am. Physically, I feel much stronger than many others and this has in turn boosted my morale and self-confidence.” Shares Vaidanti (17)
Sara, a make-up artist is a Portugal citizen who has been in the city for the past 7 years. “Martial arts for me, has been an early childhood passion. It soon turned into a hobby. Apart from self defence, the sessions have given me plenty of focus and awareness. My mind and body feel much sharper and my concentration levels have dramatically increased.” She adds, “It is also a great way to blow off some steam. The other advantage now, is the feeling of control and to be able to handle any sticky situations thrown at me. I know that if someone tries to take advantage of me, I can surely incorporate the moves I’ve learnt and put them in place. Also, I believe anyone; especially women can take it up as it is extremely beneficial for the body and for self confidence.”
“Judo is all about positivity. A woman who chooses to learn martial arts is unknowingly choosing to protect herself. Her vibes, her confidence, her walk, and her aura- everything changes and becomes stronger and less vulnerable. When you are all positive within, you’d never attract the attention of those unwanted men. They will automatically stay away. Martial arts make you feel strong and that’s all you need to protect yourself.” Shared a B.A student from Mithibhai College.
Viira cabs, women based cabs agency that understands the matter of security has employed an all women staff and women drivers for its company.
“The women who are employed here come from different backgrounds and different places. To them, a vehicle is a gizmo they do not understand. They are trained not only to drive but are also trained in martial arts by an in-house karate instructor.” Said Preeti Sharma, M.D of Viira cabs when asked about the security issues of these women.
But not most receive this sort of training. They often depend on others around who may or may not be of much help. So a few simple steps could not only help keep women out of trouble but also help them gain a level of confidence.
Precautions are always a better option but in case you do come across an assailant, a pepper-spray may not always be as useful as hand-leg coordination combat in certain situations.
These basic defence tactics have been shared by Mr. Vikram Kapoor from KravMaga India. He is the Managing Director of Ultimate Tactical and Combat PVT Ltd;
It is a firm catering to military, combat gear, training, equipment and various security related services.
KravMaga is a highly effective, battle tested Israeli system of defensive tactics, fighting skills and self-defense. It is used by all major special units in the military, law enforcement and also the civilian sector. It is based on natural reflexes, easy to learn irrespective of strength, size, age or gender.
Credits: G Anurag Rao is a journalist. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org
Mumbai Pride Walk 2014 details:
When: Saturday, 1/02/2014
Time to Assemble: 3 pm
What time will The March begin: About 4 pm
Where will we march to : From August Kranti Maidan to Opera House, then on to footpath till Girgaum Chowpatty
Who will lead us: The QAM Banner and the Giant Pride Flag.
Where to Assemble: At August Kranti Maidan . Collect your posters and banner that you would like to march with . Get your mini Pride Flags
How do we know that the March has begun: The banner and the flag start marching . The security volunteers will start telling you to join in the march behind the flag .
What Happens next: Nashik Dhols start at the Nana Chowk and the march has begun.
On arrival at Opera House: Balloons will be released marking end of the walk, from here we walk on the footpath till Girgaum Chowpatty
On arrival at Chowpatty: Talk, have fun , disperse in a while and then join the Post Pride Party.
Mumbai, do attend and show solidarity, it’s a great event to celebrate true colors!
Also, we are featured on the home page of popular social causes Indian webzine Halabol this week.
Do check out both and be part of change!
As we enter the 65th year of our Republic, Hollaback Mumbai wants to raise few impertinent questions in a democratic India.
We debate on why India, even after 65 years of being a constitutionalised democratic republic not able to provide safe public spaces to its citizens?
Why we continue to face discrimination due to gender, sexual, caste, class & regional identities?
Why we still struggle for equality & freedom on the streets?
We want to know why our discrimination on the streets is tolerated?
We explore ways to making India safer for ALL.
We raise the bar for equality in public spaces.
We, as people of different color, caste, region, gender and sexual orientation demand our rights to be safe in public spaces.
We want to end this prejudiced attitude of our own people.
WE WANT THE #RIGHTREPUBLIC!
Join us for a Tweet-a-thon this Sunday, January 26th, 2 pm IST and let’s find these answers together.
FB Event page: https://www.facebook.com/events/495074763938768/